first take a pic that accentuates all your best features. dramatic lighting and vacant look suggested.
next, add some ambiguous and flaky text superimposed on a nice gradient.
thirdly add some cute plants, some edgy symbology and a little anime trash
finally, render it into a shitty .gif with one final dismal anecdote.
there ya go! this has been a jib—reel tutorial on how to selfie!